“Peter Pan is quite good at organized crime!”
“Never trust adults in Neverland - especially when they are in the midst of having sex.”
“Peter got his awesomeness from swimming in a sparkly pool of magicalness?!”
“When someone repeatedly lies to you and tricks you, maybe you shouldn’t believe them when they make a promise to help you!”
“Guns are a coward’s weapon - it’s much braver to fight with sharp, pointy sticks.”
“Never shoot guns in a cave - bad things happen.”
“And that is why you don’t pull your punches!”
“When you snap your ankle in half, GO SEE A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL!”
“Stop sitting with your girlfriend when you have a snapped ankle! She is not a medical professional!”
“Don’t touch glowing objects if you don’t know what they are - bad things usually happen!”
“If you find strange, alien eggs you should RUN AWAY.”
“Don’t try to fight your captors when they outnumber you a billion to one. You’ll lose.”
“Even if the princess is beautiful, she probably comes with a lot of baggage. Like bad guys trying to kill you.”
“When the bad guy is not dead, don’t throw away your only ticket back to the love of your life!”
“When your hair is that long, don’t have a beard too. It makes you look like a giant ball of hair which is unattractive.”
“And that’s why you never throw away a tarp with ugly markings on it…it might be a Jackson Pollack.”
“And that’s why you shouldn’t get in fist fights…your knuckles get all bloody and messy.”
“And that’s why you don’t get into illegal smuggling!”
“And that’s why you should take self defense classes.”
